Who Has the Power?

I know a family that allows the child to hit the parent. We've all heard of families that allow parents to hit the children. The use of physical violence in families, no matter how mild, is all about an abuse of power (in my opinion).

The balance of power has been on my mind lately, because, as you might suspect, I have one powerful girl on my hands :) We are a non-spanking household so our power struggles never enter the realm of physical violence.

As best I can, we don't very often make it about a power struggle. I want my connection with Mya to be one of mutual admiration and clear communication. But, because Mya is 3, we do get into power struggles.

It is clear to me that it is my responsibility to maintain the power in these cases. If I allow Mya to "run" a situation, I am actually hurting her ability to learn and grow. She gains no wisdom if she runs roughshod all over others.

Since I have had many a chance to consider this issue in Mya's 3.5 years on the earth, I have become convinced that I do not ever want Mya to hold all the power when she is in a state. I am responsible for setting her boundaries, holding her to our rules and keeping things in control. That is actually a gift I give to her - although I'm aware she doesn't view it that way.

If I rush over to her and try to give her everything she needs so the situation is avoided - yipes! What a mess that would make! If the situation is escalating, I let it escalate. I have learned it is not my goal in life to avoid "situations" with Mya. It is my goal to handle the situations with responsible care once they show up.

If Mya is trying a power-grab, I explain to her that it is not acceptable. I give her some choices. Once she chooses, I follow through with the consequences I have previously explained. If she makes a wise choice, good things happen. If she makes poor choices, the consequence is usually some time in her room to think about her choices.

I get a bad feeling when I'm around parents that let their kids "run" the family. Giving all the power to a 3 year old can have some pretty big consequences. If Mya is being kind, thinking of others and using words to control a situation, that is fine with me. I want her to explore her power in that way. However, if her exploration of power includes yelling, screaming, hitting or being unkind in any way - the power is firmly taken from her hands.

Whew - trying to find balance between two powerful women is likely going to be our life's challenge :) I want her to use her powers for good not evil :)