A Journey

(Written during my solo trip to Guntersville)

This trip is for me, but, as it turns out, it is for you too. These hours, carved out of my regular routine, will include just the two of us. A time for me to meditate on your existence, your future and my role in that. I feel amputated somewhat without Lucas, but I knew this time was essential to my strength and purpose. I will use this peace to focus on my health, my well-being and my strength. In turn, these things I pass to you sweet one. It is my commitment to you that I will do my very best to always make good choices where you are concerned.

I can’t wait for the lessons you bring – I have already learned to remove my ego and my eagerness to be “tough” and “strong” in this pregnancy. I was tempted to show off and get busy, but I felt deep down that it was better for you that I sit still. I will not be busy to prove how great I am when it may be jeopardizing this pregnancy. I pushed through my many symptoms somewhat, but I believe the symptoms arise for reasons that I need to heed. Thankfully, the past couple of days have been easier than last week. I had been struggling with lightheadedness, pounding heart, poor circulation in my hands, acidic stomach, cramps (quite constant and strong) – are there any I missed? Seem like I had everything! Oh yes – the biggest one – exhaustion!! I nap everyday now when Lucas does. But, I will go through whatever it takes to bring you safely into the world. I promise to listen to the messges you send.

All my love,

Mommy