Nearing the End

Today was the second day that Mya didn't have any "Mommy milk". Yipee! Sob!

I am simultaneously lamenting and applauding that change. Paradoxes fascinate me - I am so intrigued that I can feel two apparently opposite feelings at the same time. I am thrilled to be done with nursing. Yipee, yahoo! Nursing a baby (and then a toddler) is hard work. Also, I can finally reclaim my body as my own. It has been a loooong time since no one needed my body for some life-sustaining action. In fact, for four of the last five years I have either been pregnant or nursing.

Alternately, I am sad. I feel an intense bond with Mya because of this nursing relationship and I am sad that that part of our lives is now nearing the end. I feel a keen sense of loss and a deep awareness that a very special time has now passed. With no real intention to add another baby, I can see that my breastfeeding days are drawing to a final close. Sigh.

I don't remember this dichotomy of feelings when I was nursing infants, but as we moved into toddlerhood, extended nursing has certainly made me want to continue as much as I wanted to finish.

I am so grateful that my children were breastfed babies. I am assured that they have received a very strong start. Improved orthodontic development, higher iq's, insurance against obesity, protection against infection in the early months, less risk of allergies - if they enjoy even one of these benefits, it has all been worth it. The previous list doesn't even begin to address the emotional strength children receive in the arms of their mother. I was honoured to nurse Mya.